I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
