I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
