I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
