You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
