Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
