I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
