omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
