I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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