Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
