Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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