I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
