Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
