Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
