Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
