If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
