So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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