Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
