i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
