I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
honey bunches of taint.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
