After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
