You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
