The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
