Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
