There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
