I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
