Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
