it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
