It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
