Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
