I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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