Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is classic penis vs brain.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
