He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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