a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
