i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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