i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
