you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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