ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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