3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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