Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
