Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
