what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im six kinds of drunk right now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
