She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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