went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize