big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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