the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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