woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
