Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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