Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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