If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
