The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who died my cat blue again?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
