Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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