Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I supernannyed him into submission
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
