whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
