I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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