i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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