someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
