dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
