who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
