Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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