Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
