Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
