I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
