I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Actions speak louder than pants.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
