Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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