Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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