i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
