Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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