I heard we made out
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
