My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
babies were throwing up all over the place
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
