i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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