The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
