I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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