i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
