I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
